Are you afraid or are you nervous of the end?

Being afraid of something can turn into fuel. And it's what you do with that fuel that matters most.

SPONSOREDUpdated 1:13PM • 05/26/16

When the Chicago Bears’ great Walter Payton was fighting a rare live disease and bile duct cancer in the late ‘90s, his friend Eric Dickerson asked him if he was afraid of dying. This was his response: “Of course I’m afraid because I’ve never died before.”

That statement has stuck with me, partly because I am extremely fascinated with the reality of death and partly because I wonder if that’s real. Was Walter really afraid of dying or was he nervous about dying?

I continue to ask this question to friends both old and young—trying to understand where their mindsets are. One friend said he wasn’t afraid of dying but was nervous to die because he still wanted to live for very a long time. He said he didn’t want to live forever—he just had more living to do.

For me, I am afraid of dying because of what Walter said; but also because I am afraid of pain and suffering. That scares me more than it makes me nervous. I, like all of us, hope to go peacefully in my sleep after living a very long life.

When I hear of someone dying in their 80s dies today, I typically say sign me up. That’s my half-full approach—if I could get a guarantee that I could live long enough to see my journey through to the end (success in business; happiness in family), then I feel as if I win. The reality though—and this is what makes me nervous—is that there is a greater chance that I won’t be able to control the signing of the contract.

Life is a very weird concept, and because of our different DNAs, everyone has a different take on it. Some aren’t afraid or nervous of dying because they believe in something more powerful in the past life; some would argue that their God is real and yours is fake; some will believe in the greatness of something more powerful but will still do dumb shit in life; and some don’t believe in anything at all. There are no consistencies to life or death—and perhaps that lack of data leads to my comfortableness with the concept.

Being afraid of something can turn into fuel. For me, my fear of death calms me in tough moments. I understand my own mortality so I try to let that lead me to faster decisions and faster brush offs. I am certainly not perfect, but I recognize that I do have that fuel inside of me. It helps me live life as half-full as possible—and that’s something I can control.

My hope is that there is something beyond this life. I once asked my Mom if she believed in something greater. She replied by asking me if I could explain all the intricate details of how the Internet worked. I said I couldn’t. She said there are some things your brain will simply never understand, and when you become comfortable with that, you can live life without being nervous or afraid of the end.

For that one second, my Mom was able to ease my fears.