TED TALK TUESDAY: How to Speak so that People Want to Listen

Do you ever feel like nobody is listening to you when you talk?

Chances are, if you’re getting a blank stare every time you open your mouth, you’re probably committing one of Julian Treasure’s “Seven Deadly Sins” of conversation. These are all habits that most of us have been guilty of at some point or another, and Treasure suggests that in order to get people to truly listen, we need to avoid these like the plague.

1. Gossip: Speaking ill of somebody who’s not present. And we all know perfectly well the person who’s gossiping, five minutes later, will probably be gossiping about us.

2. Judging: It’s pretty hard to listen to somebody if you know that you’re being judged.

3. Negativity: We’ve all had a dark cloud hanging over our heads at some point. But there are certain people whose negative outlook bleeds into every single conversation—you know, the kind of person who can find something bad to say about kittens, puppies or sunny weather.

4. Complaining: People love to complain about the weather, sports, politics—just about everything. But actually, complaining is just viral misery. It serves no other purpose but to bring other people down.

5. Excuses: These people pass blame on to everybody else and never take responsibility for their actions.

6. Lying: Whether it’s unintentional exaggeration or blatantly not telling the truth, don’t do it. Nobody likes a liar.

7. Dogmatism: This is the confusion of facts with opinions. When those two things get conflated, you’re listening to the wind. This is usually somebody who is bombarding you with their opinions as if they’re true.

Treasure says there’s a positive way to look at this, too. Keep the word “HAIL” in mind. By definition, it means to greet enthusiastically. But he believes the word also stands for honesty, authenticity, integrity and love. If we truly stand for these four things, our words will be met with a warm reception.

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