Krug: Brutal Honesty Need Not Be Brutal

There may be no finer managerial art to master than the difficult conversation. The deftest leaders can deliver a surgically precise criticism (and let’s view that word in the most literal sense if we can) in such a way that it resonates with an associate and crystallizes a point of light. After the words have been delivered, and the subsequent exchange of viewpoints has occurred, a new understanding has been created. The associate and leader exit the moment with a clarity that is shared and in agreement of the direction to be traveled. Handled properly, with care and consideration and the highest levels of objectivity, they can turn around an associate who has wandered off the path. This is less about saving souls as it is creating productivity and bringing the best out of a person your company has employed to be part of the journey toward success. But back here on earth, these conversations often are badly botched hatchet jobs and do far more damage than they seek to repair. There are plenty of reasons why, best intentions be damned. Leaders have a lot on their plates and rush through these impromptu conversations – unprepared and unrehearsed, often lighting up the associate with a brutal honesty that is far more brutal than honest. The facts may not have been gathered or were improperly processed. Not enough clarity is available, and the first conversation that is scheduled to occur is an execution rather than an examination. As such, the meeting is stilted or badly off kilter and doomed to fail. Far too often, these exchanges become extemporaneous emotional ventilations that are composed of days, weeks, months and even years of compressed frustration that hasn’t been addressed as singular issues ongoing. And, as such, what comes next is equal parts nuclear reaction and volcanic explosion – the radioactive magna of which melts everything in its way. But what’s left behind with the associate is a dissonance that is irreparable damage. The conversation was wasted. The associate thinks that you are an asshole, which you probably were – at least in that moment. But that perception lasts pretty much forever.

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It’s rough being the boss. But to be an effective leader, it’s imperative to be able to deal with the most frustrating associate behavior by removing the frustration from the equation. And if your difficult conversations are exhausting and unproductive, it’s time to take stock. Unless your intention was to sink your associate’s battleship and send them to the bottom of the ocean, it’s highly likely that your preparation for the meeting was lacking. Nobody should leave a meeting with the boss feeling as if they’ve been assassinated. If everyone leaves your office in a body bag, you’re probably doing it wrong.

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Regardless of managerial style, the difficult conversation should be structured in a methodical way that produces the best possible outcome. And let’s be clear, there is a difference between a difficult conversation with an employee that the company wishes to keep and one that will be leaving shortly, involuntarily. Let’s talk about the finer points of that some other time. When preparing for the difficult conversations, begin with the end in mind. The outcome should be envisioned, though not predetermined. Even armed with the best information, the best leaders should be prepared to gain a new understanding as part of a conversation with key associates – no matter how far from the trail they’ve wandered. So keep these guidelines in mind before having THE talk with one of your people, because the art of the difficult conversation is removing the difficulty: See trouble coming: Don’t put off a difficult conversation. It doesn’t age like wine. When at odds with an associate, seek out resolutions as quickly as possible. Do not allow frustrations to accumulate, because en masse they become more difficult to untangle than Christmas tree lights. Gather the facts: Many difficult conversations are the products of other people’s observations and not your own. If you believe that there is trouble afoot with a key associate, make certain that you have as clear a picture of the issues as is possible. Gossip, hearsay and innuendo have ruined the careers of capable people. Cut through the crap and learn as much as you can. This could radically alter your conversation, and quite possibly cause the invitee to change. Turn off the emotion: We get so wrapped up in work that sometimes we ramp up our feelings to a point where it becomes impossible to convey rational thoughts. The people who we rely upon the most also are capable of disappointing to the highest degree. It just works that way. No matter how frustrated we may become with an associate, apply the 72-degree rule. The room should feel comfortable for both parties. The boss controls the thermostat. No surprises: Any key associate called into a meeting with the boss should know why well before they arrive. And a conversation ahead of the conversation often ensures that the actual sit-down is more productive. Emails are for wimps. Offer your associate insight into the conversation, set a time to meet and then have the conversation. That sequence is key, because it not only offers a level of respect to the associate but also allows them to compose themselves before the conversation. Ultimately, the best leaders level the playing field as best as they can. Clear isolation of the issue: A difficult conversation, as noted earlier, is an impossible conversation if it has an agenda as long as your arm. Focus on one or two primary issues. There should not be a recitation of charges that sound like those levied against Captain Jack Sparrow. Be clear. Be concise. State your case, offer your insights and then listen. If your key associate is truly a key associate, he or she should be able to explain in some meaningful way their view of the issues or issues at hand. Should be about listening and understanding: This is your meeting, boss. You called it. After you lay out the ground rules and parameters, be prepared to listen. And don’t just hear, but actually process the conversation. You’ll likely learn something about your department, division or the entire company. Stay on track: Too often during a difficult conversation, the associate raises new issues. Save them for another time. They’re important, but not at that moment. If you have talked for more than a half-hour and an end isn’t in sight, you have wandered into the weeds. Bring it back around. These aren’t nuclear disarmament talks. Cut the gristle and get to the meat. Determine a resolution: Ultimately, the outcome is yours to determine. But right is right. With the emotion eliminated and objectivity the focus, an outcome should be determinable. There is no need to meet in the middle. However, boss, if you knew what the resolution would be before the meeting there was no need for the meeting. You’re a leadership savant and should be inducted into the boss hall of fame. That’s satire, pal. If you come out of the meeting having learned nothing, you need a vacation. Ensure that the resolution is clear, forward-focused and sets the past to rest: After this meeting has completed, there should be no question as to what’s next. The steps that the associate must take should be mutually clear. No follow-up should be necessary, but the conversation can be ongoing if there is any uncertainty. The door to revisit the resolutions should be wide open, but by the time the meeting has ended there is no question which path will be taken. Keep contained on both ends: At the conclusion of the meeting, there should be a mutual understanding that the meeting was contained to the people in the room. This wasn’t a lecture – it was a conversation. It was an opportunity for a leader to help an associate to see what he or she was missing, and for an associate to help the leader see what is happening at ground level. In the end, it was good for everyone and the company. We move on, maintaining the sanctity of the conversation.

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Simple, right?

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As always… Stay classy. Chris Krug is president of the progressive media communications firm No Limit Agency* in Chicago. No Limit is a full-service agency whose practice focuses on strategy, brand management, creative campaigns and delivering unparalleled placement in the media. No Limit Agency works with some of the best-known brands in North America, and that’s not a coincidence. Contact Krug by calling 312-526-3996 or via email at [email protected].